Your Complete Guide to Megan Moeller’s Arrest Audio
Oregon attorney now convicted of Identity Theft and Wire Fraud
Whether you’re one of the many, many victims of her distinctive “legal work,” or just a curious true-crime rubbernecker, there are several audio snippets that merit a listen from the arrest of Megan Moeller, disgraced former Oregon attorney and current professional white lady boo-hooer.
Since the arrest and drive to jail are a bit long (and include lengthy passages of raw, unedited turn-signal action), it’s best to provide the listener with an annotated guide… and a little color commentary. Let’s go!
00:00 Serial fraudster and court-document-forger Megan Moeller (aka Megan Perry) is pulled over and read her rights. Those include the right to talk to a court-appointed attorney — which must have been awkward, since her husband Erik Moeller is a court-appointed attorney.
00:58 Megan wants to stay in her car while the detectives move it, since her two-year-old son is inside.
02:12 Shh! Megan wants the detectives to arrest her more quietly, so they don’t wake the toddler. (In the alternative: Don’t do crime so you won’t be arrested in front of your kid.)
03:59 One of the family’s many pets tries to obstruct the arrest.
04:23 The shhhh-detective asks if someone is calling Megan’s dad, WHILE THE LOUD-DETECTIVE ASKS IF THE CAR IS GOING TO BE OKAY OR SHOULD HE MOVE IT. Remarkably, the child remains asleep.
04:44 Megan asks if she can go into the house to tether any additional pets, and tells the detectives that “one of you can come with me.” Thanks for your permission, Karen!
05:14 The detective assumes Megan has no criminal history. (No, but only because her brief legal career constituted a rapid series of smash-and-grabs, for which the Oregon State Bar helped her evade prosecution.)
05:37 Another pet courageously barks at the bad people arresting mommy.
06:28 Multiple cats intervene but fail to deter the detectives. It would prove to be the felines’ final attempt to help disgraced attorney Megan Moeller.
06:50 to 07:17 The dog knew that today would come, eventually, but appears to have forgotten all of his training.
07:45 Megan receives a text that a friend is on his way over to watch her son. Is it the same friend/former law partner whose personal problems Megan blamed for her own troubles (at her sentencing); and who Megan blamed for her own discovery violations, when she was still acting as an attorney (during a 2016 hearing in a civil matter)?
08:33 “He’d sleep better if I can move him inside.” No, he’d sleep better if his mommy wasn’t a fucking criminal.
08:54 The toddler can be heard coughing, and there’s nothing funny about that. However, he won’t remember this day, and the draconian 70-day sentence his mommy received will soon render her a distant memory.
09:42 A final, heroic bark from the dog, who has resigned himself to dry food for the remainder of the week.
11:35 Megan’s friend/patsy arrives to watch the kid.
12:13 Mostly indiscernible high-pitched sympathy-eliciting white lady boo-hoo. Truly, everyone needs to stop falling for such shit.
13:50 Megan is loaded into the cruiser, and they’re off to jail. The detectives keep it light with comments about her steep driveway, which must be a bear to shovel during winter! HA! Left unspoken is that she is a serial forger of court documents.
15:05 to 19:00 This section can be skipped past, unless you are into the soothing sounds of tires on pavement, rhythmic turn-signals, and the rustling of ballistic nylon police jackets. (That’s some quality audio equipment, guys!)
19:07 Megan receives a call from her husband Erik Moeller, whose last name she snatched after burning through her own name in 2018. Erik is a public defender with a lucrative taxpayer-funded contract in the same county courthouse where his wife committed most of her crimes. Smells like a conflict.
19:20 Megan says, “I’m in the car with the two detectives, right now we’re on our way to the jail I think, is that correct?” I’m beginning to question if Megan actually went to law school, or if she paid someone to take the bar exam for her.
19:51 Megan and Erik demand the detectives’ names. Did Erik call the jail’s manager and try to have the jail fired?
20:40 After hanging up, Megan announces that her attorney “has changed to Paul Kuebrich,” who is meeting them at jail. Interestingly, Kuebrich — another state-paid public defender in Erik’s unit — appeared at Megan’s arraignment, but did not put his name on the record orally or in writing. Not sure how an attorney appeared in court without giving his name and bar #.
21:00 to 29:00 The sounds of the open road… you can skip these nine minutes unless you are into Dolby-quality turn signal action.
29:10 Sensing that she has no actual experience as a lawyer, or with laws in general, the Detectives tell Megan what to expect at jail: she will be handcuffed, asked standard questions about weapons and drugs on her person, etc.
30:10 Megan wants to know how long she’ll have to be at jail — presumably, because she has clients to meet later.
30:58 The detectives again use a little levity to cut the tension during the ride, claiming that they used their lights to pull her over because she didn’t use her turn signal. Megan is unamused.
35:07 Turn around, put your hands behind your back…
35:13 And here’s the money shot: Hot, hot, hot protracted and satisfying handcuff ratcheting sounds and clinking metal. “Double lock’em so they don’t cinch up on you.” (And so she doesn’t escape.)
And with that, the recording was stopped; and Megan Moeller was booked, patted down, and all the other usual things that happen to criminals, who are no longer able to hide behind a bar license. A big shout out to the Linn County Sheriff’s Office, for their professionalism and hard work.